The Evil Opera
by See Jane Write
Summary: Martin has been watching too many soap operas since Daphne moved in with Niles, and it's starting to affect him. Takes place midseason 10. Chapter Three updated.
1. A Rude Awakening

The Evil Opera

Summary: Martin has been watching too many soap operas since Daphne moved in with Niles, and it's starting to affect him. Takes place mid-season 10.

Author's Note: I know this is really weird, but I'm really weird. I don't remember how the idea came to me, but it did, and I like it. The characters are slightly OOC on purpose…

Disclaimer: I do not own these fabulous characters. I would like to, but I don't.

A Rude Awakening

Martin Crane was seated in his favorite green and orange chair. He was casually watching the Sonics game on TV while eating popcorn and drinking a beer when someone began knocking at the door frantically. He groaned as he tried to imagine who could be at the door. Frasier, Niles, or Daphne would have a key. Roz was still at work with Frasier, and her daughter Alice was still at daycare.

The knocking only persisted.

"Alright, keep your shirt on!" Martin called as he placed the bowl of popcorn on the table. He reached for his cane and began walking over towards the door. He opened it slowly and stepped back. "What's the rush?" he asked before screaming as he realized exactly who was standing there.

Lilith Sternin rolled her eyes as she walked past Martin and sat down on the brown couch. "Martin, we need to talk," she said seriously.

"Why the hell do you need to talk to me?" Martin asked as he backed away from her. "I never married you!"

"I know, but I did ask a favor of you about three months ago," Lilith pointed out as she turned around to face Martin. She meant business.

Martin knew that. He walked back to his chair. "Right," he said finally as he turned the television off. "You wanted another child," he stated plainly as he placed his cane on the side of his chair that was away from Lilith. "And you wanted it to have Crane genes. You said Frasier and Niles said no, so I gave you a sample because, well, I felt bad for you, and I wanted you out of Seattle, and that was the only thing that would get you out."

Lilith sighed. "That's fair," she noted. "But I was not completely honest with you that evening," she continued.

"What do you mean?" Martin asked in confusion.

"Well, I told you that Niles and Frasier refused, but I actually went to each of them and told them that you and the other one refused," she began hesitantly. "Essentially, I got sperm from all three of you that visit. I was planning on weighing each of your strengths and weaknesses to decide which one would create the most ideal child."

Martin raised a hand. "Lilith, is there a point to this little story?" he asked. "The Sonics were down by two points."

"I'm getting there," Lilith said crossly.

Martin groaned. "Get there faster," he told her as he slouched back in his seat.

"Ok, well, considering my age, I felt I would have a higher probability of conceiving if I had embryos implanted. That was my mistake." She drew in a deep breath. "Somehow at the clinic, the sperm were mixed up."

"What are you saying?" Martin asked as he sat back up. His face suddenly had a look of panic on it. "Are you saying you didn't get implanted with a Crane?"

Lilith shook her head. "No, that's not it at all. I had three different sperm samples, remember? Those got mixed up, and, um…combined," she said. "And since they implant more than one embryo…"

"What are you saying?" Martin asked again.

Lilith drew in another deep breath. "I'm saying that I'm pregnant with triplets, and there's actually a high probability that you are the father of one, Niles is the father of another, and Frasier is the father of the third," she explained.

Martin's mouth dropped open. "You can go back to the slow way," he said as he slouched back on his chair.


	2. And Non Awakening

And Non-Awakening

"Do we have any news?" Niles Crane asked the doctor for the twelfth time that hour. He gazed into the small hospital room where his ex-wife Maris lay. She has been in a coma for the past several months now, but he had just received the news through her former maid Marta. He was concerned as anything. His current wife Daphne was less than thrilled that he was spending his free time down at the hospital.

The doctor shook his head. "No, Mr. Crane, we do not. We will let you know as soon as we have something," he said before rushing down the hallway.

Niles shook his head sadly. "I don't believe this," he said.

"Yea, I don't believe it either," Daphne put in. "You divorced her. She was controlling and manipulative. I don't see why you care so much." She sighed and started walking down the hall. "I'm going to find Roz," she announced. "I'll see you in the car," she added.

With that, Daphne started walking down towards Radiology. Without a doubt she would find Roz Doyle there. Her friend had been diagnosed with a benign brain tumor a few months ago. They had removed parts of it through surgery, and now they were discussing her options for the rest. Daphne sighed as she turned right and started walking down the next hall. She had a strong feeling that Roz would be ok.

"Shh," she said as she approached Roz. She wrapped her hands around her friend's shoulders in a gentle, comforting hug. "It's going to be ok," she whispered.

Roz looked up at her with slight confusion.

Daphne placed a gentle hand on Roz's shoulder. "It's Daphne, honey," she said in a soothing voice. "You remember. I'm your friend."

Roz nodded and instantly snapped out of her trance. "Sorry," she apologized. "I don't know what's come over me."

"No need to apologize," Daphne said. "You're going through a lot." She sighed. "How's Alice taking it?" she asked. "Your daughter," she reminded Roz gently.

"I know, but I haven't told her yet," Roz admitted. The tears were apparent behind her eyes. "She's only five. What am I supposed to tell her?" She tried to choke back her tears, but she was finding the task difficult. "This wasn't supposed to happen," she finally managed.

Daphne did not know what to say. There was nothing she could say that would make Roz feel better. She wanted to tell Roz that she would overcome this, but Daphne could not be sure of that. Instead she just pulled her friend into her arms again and rubbed her back soothingly. She promised herself she would stay there until Roz felt better.

"I'm ok," Roz said a moment later as she pulled back from Daphne's embrace. "It's just a lot to handle."

Daphne nodded. "Of course," she said. "Well, I'd prefer that to my life right now," she mumbled.

"Maris is still in a coma?" Roz asked curiously.

Daphne nodded again. "And Niles is still coming down here every day spending nearly all visiting hours with her," she muttered angrily. "I don't know what's overcome him." She sighed. "What would you do in a situation like this?" she asked. "And be honest."

"Well, I'd find myself another man," Roz noted. "It is me, and Seattle has a lot to offer if you look hard enough."

Daphne rolled her eyes. She did ask for it though. She was talking to Roz. "Ok, say for a moment that you're in a serious relationship where you're actually in love with a man. Then what would you do?"

"Well, I dunno. Go to Victoria's Secret, buy something little, and surprise the hell out of him when he gets home. Give him the ride of his life that will make him forget he ever knew Maris," Roz instructed.

((Hehe. Lemme know what you think, and I'll update soon.))


	3. A Third Titleless Chapter

Chapter Three

"And we are now approaching my apartment," Frasier explained to his former girlfriend Madeline Marshall. She had previously dated him, but they stopped seeing him because things were too weird due to Lilith. Frasier thought that he would never see her again, but after his show he was at Nervosa, and there she was. She was still single, and she recognized him. They talked for a good two hours before deciding it was ok to give it another try.

Madeline nodded. "I remember," she said as she stepped out of the elevator. "Not to sound paranoid, but your ex-wife is in Boston, correct?"

Frasier nodded as he opened the door. "Hello," he called without really looking into the apartment. "Dad, you remember Madeline Marshall." He smiled and faced Madeline. "And Madeline, I can assure you that things with Lilith are completely--"

"Frasier," Madeline interrupted as she pointed a harsh finger at the figure in Martin's green and orange chair. Her tone was cold, and she immediately turned around and stormed out of the apartment.

Frasier looked over at the chair and let out a scream. "My god!" he yelled. "Must you ruin every chance I have with this woman?"

"Frasier, something big is happening, and we really need to talk," Lilith said in her patented monotone voice.

Frasier glared at her. "And what, all the phones in the Boston area suddenly stopped working?"

"Frasier, when I tell you, I think that you will agree it's something that cannot be shared over the phone," Lilith responded.

Frasier sighed as he sat down on the couch. "How's Frederick?" he asked.

"It's not about Frederick," Lilith answered. "Our son is fine. He's back at the hotel watching television."

"Then what is it, Lilith?" Frasier asked impatiently.

Lilith sighed. "I'd rather wait for Niles."

Niles gazed on at Maris once again. This was not the Maris he knew. He sighed as he heard the door opening. Daphne. It had to be Daphne. He instantly felt bad for sitting here all day with Maris.

"Come on," Daphne said coldly. "Frasier's waiting for us back at his place. He says it's really important."

"Ok," Niles said as he stood up. He kept his focus on Maris still. He tried not to, but he could not help himself. This was the first woman he married. He could not just turn his back on her.

"How can you ever tell where she ends and the sheets begin?" Daphne muttered as she pulled Niles out of the room. "They're both thin and pale. Unless you've been staring at the mess for a zillion hours, it's impossible," she snapped.

Niles sighed heavily. "I guess I deserved that."

"You deserved a lot more, but we're in a public place," Daphne muttered angrily. "How can you continue with this ridiculous behavior?"

"Can we not talk about it now?" Niles asked. "How's Roz?"

Daphne sighed. "Unsure," she admitted. "She's not responding well to the radiation, but there are a few other methods they still have to explore."

"That's a shame," Niles said sincerely. "Come on, let's get out of here."

"Daphne Moon!"

Daphne turned around to whoever had just called her name. "Yes?" she called cautiously. She grabbed Niles hand, and walked closer to the mysterious voice. "What do you want?"

"It's about Roz," the voice said. "I'm one of her doctors," he said as he finally appeared from behind one of the crash carts.

"What about Roz?" Daphne asked fearfully.

"She's your half sister."


End file.
